Home > Love or lust > My first kiss

My first kiss

In my youth, everything was my play-thing; objects were subjected to wanton destruction or excessive love. I remember playing at an imaginary death and mourning. I remember hitting my brother over the head with a cast-iron soldier. He bled and told on me. I felt bad about it and afraid that I’d be hit with the CANE.

I grew older and got interested in girls. I didn’t know how to talk to them nor did I know how to make friends with them. They were an alien species to me. Even now, with a quarter of my life gone by, they are still alien to me (but for different reasons)

It was a shock when I got acquainted with a beautiful girl who lived near my house. She was an Indonesian-Chinese. She had flawless skin and large almond eyes. Her smile dazzled. I longed to hold her waist and feel her curvy hips under my palm. We’d often meet on the way home from school. I was in white and she’d wear a tartan-like skirt. We walked the same way back but we’d never say a word to each other. We’d smiled and nod to each other though.

I thought of her incessantly and wanted to be more than an acquaintance. Sometime later, I dreamt of her. It was an erotic dream that made me come in the middle of the night.

In my dream, I didn’t see her naked at all. I didn’t grab her budding breasts or enter her (it could be that I didn’t know the mechanics of sex back then). It was midday in the dream. The sun was white and bright. I was in my bedroom and had walked through the toilet into another room. I saw her in front of me. We talked about something, I don’t remember what, and we kissed.

We kissed that night in a dream room where the sun was bright and white. She tasted of sharks fin and candy bars. Her lips were softer than the tiny careworn bolster that I had since I was five. It was my first kiss; a virgin kiss given away in a dream. I kissed her once and thought that I was the luckiest boy. Then I kissed her again.

I woke up. I stayed on my mattress, befuddled by sleep. Increasingly, I grew more awake but the ‘incredibleness’ of that kiss lingered on. I made a resolution that she would be my girlfriend. Then I got up and prepared for school.

It was too embarrassing for me to act on that resolution. I never did anything about it. After a few months, I never saw her again. Maybe she’d left for another country.

I stayed in Singapore, of course, and remember, now and then, the first kiss that I gave and received in a dream.

Categories: Love or lust
  1. March 2, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    Where is her? It\’s a pity she didn\’t become ur gf.


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